Friday, 16 December 2011

The French

Following Cameron's veto of a new EU treaty, which would have involved further transfers of sovereignty to Brussels, it appears that the French are resorting to their favourite pastime - Anglo-bashing.

The President of the Bank of France is criticising Britain's economic condition, and saying that we should be downgraded by the major credit rating agencies.

Allow me to explain, in very simple terms, why we are not fucked - and the French potentially are.

A country is effectively a legal structure separate from an individual. It has income, in the form of tax revenue, and expenditure, in the form of public spending. It gets into trouble if it starts spending more than it earns.

Britain is currently spending more than it earns. But unlike an individual or an ordinary corporate body, it has a degree of flexibility. For if it cannot borrow the extra money it needs, or cannot afford to make the repayments on the debt it already has, it may choose to create more money out of thin air to satisfy this debt.

Of course, this is a power not to be used lightly - it deliberately devalues the wealth of everyone in the country, and pisses them off as a result. If used excessively, it can lead to hyperinflation, which is particularly unpleasant.

But the crux of the matter is this - if you are in control of your own currency, it is almost impossible for you to go bust. You are sovereign. That is a reason why our currency was once called the Sovereign.

France is not in control of her own currency. She abrogated that responsibility to the European Central Bank, and, de facto, Germany. Therefore, she is not sovereign. She is a body corporate, just like any other company or mutual. And they can go bust.

I'm not saying they definitely will. I'm just saying that, by opening her legs to Germany, France is much more likely to than us.

See, Frenchies? You fucked up big time, although that's not unheard of, is it? I mean, coming from a country whose greatest military leader was a Corsican dwarf with venereal disease, or arguably a teenage girl with a fetish for armour who hears voices, who you couldn't even be bothered to pay the ransom for, and were much happier for us to cook her.

And let's have a look at France's greatest military moments, shall we? Crecy. Poitiers. Agincourt. Moscow. Trafalgar. Waterloo. And let us not forget the efficiency of the Maginot Line, which held back the tide of the Nazi invasion... oh, wait.

So, just remember, numpties, that having spent the last thousand years having the shit kicked out of you by us, that you wouldn't even be speaking French if we and the Yanks hadn't bothered to pay Normandy a visit in 1944. You owe your freedom to les anglais, which makes it all the more ironic when you promptly give it to Germany, the other nation that's been smacking you senseless for the last millennium.

The only areas where you are qualified to provide us with lectures are wine, cheese, bread, cruelty to geese, and, of course, losing. We can get wine from Australia and the US, cheese from the Dutch, bread we can make ourselves, raping poultry isn't the done thing, and we tend to win our wars.

Hush now.

A Frenchman, yesterday, surrendering just in case.